Dear Mr Morgan
Now, you don’t know me, and I’m quite grateful that I do not know you, so I will refer to you as Mr Morgan, Piers may after all be a bit too familiar, and I would not like you to feel that I in any shape or form are imposing on you or pretending that we are friends, after all I have not once sat in my car outside your house hoping to get a photograph of yourself doing something as shocking as putting recyclable plastic in the general rubbish bin.
I don’t generally read the Daily Mail or anything posted on their website, however as my Facebook and Twitter feeds were spammed with an article written by someone called Samantha Brick (whom I up until this morning had no idea who was), I decided to have a look at the article. With the headline: “’There are downsides to looking this pretty’: Why women hate me for being beautiful”, I’ll be honest I was expecting a rather breath-taking beauty, and without being a bitch, this lady is not such a creature, being simply an ordinary woman (and there’s nothing wrong with that).
So apparently the think tank 2020health.org has decided that NHS trusts who supply porn to men providing sperm samples when they are involved in an IVF treatment are encouraging “adultery of the mind.” Basically, when you have a wank for science, you should be thinking about your missus, the one you’re struggling to get pregnant with and which is probably stressing you out.
Porn is bad. It encourages adultery of the mind. What a load of complete and utter shite. I don’t know a single male and very few females who do not enjoy watching porn, either on their own or with partners, some mainly on their own. Does that mean their all being adulterous mentally? No, at the risk of sounding clinical, it means they use sexual images to achieve some sort of sexual gratification. So what if they flick through a magazine or watch a porn film as to make it easier to provide a sperm sample in the middle of a hospital surrounded by people who know you’re having a wank in the next room, it’s hardly the end of the world, hell chances are they have their own stash at home in the form of magazines (check), DVDs (check) or films or link to porn sites on their computer (check and check). It’s just pornography, as long as it isn’t something illegal, there’s nothing wrong with it.
Maybe the woman who was responsible for releasing the survey results, of which I have no interest in going through because they make me yawn, a lot just has issues. Maybe she just doesn’t like people coming because her own short comings.
Try it was devoured by a pack of angry rats. It’s not the students making the complaints either, it’s the teachers of Tribhuvan University in Nepal who have to make these excuses after exam papers were negligently left in a “safe” room at the local police station in Kathmandu… which FYI was infested with rats.
Now, I’ve always had issues with lame excuses if you’ve not handed your work in, the amount if silly things I heard when in school (a while ago now, I admit) was at times bordering on the absurd, for instance don’t tell your teacher your paper got dog wee on it, when your teacher knows you’re allergic to the furry little creatures. If you’re going to lie, do a good job of it, or what’s the point. For instance, if you don’t want to do the work, in this case grade papers rather than write them, have the papers stored in a rat infested, water damaged room. I’m sorry for all those students, but to be perfectly honest, it’s fucking brilliance.
Never mind the boring old excuses we’re forever hearing in this country, not enough teachers, too many students, too many papers to grade. Rats ate them, it’s simple, yet ingenious. Can you imagine the planning that went into that? The bribing of police officers to ensure the papers were stored in the darkest, most muggy, rat infested room in their station? Those teachers not only don’t want to do their job, they are willing to put in the hours of hard planning to ensure they don’t have to do it, AND then avoid picking up the papers until they’ve made sure the press has sniff of it so they can get their pictures in the local papers and enjoy their fifteen minutes of fame.
Teachers all over the world, take note, I for one bow my head down to the Nepalese teachers, never before have anyone gone to such extreme lengths to avoid a few ticks and red marks.
Now I love a lot of things about America as well as Americans. They have some brilliant musicians, great actors, friendly people who are pretty outgoing… But the one thing that I really, really, REALLY love about Americans is how incredibly good they are at making me laugh.
Appearantly this 12 year old girl, her name is Alexa Gonzalez, has filed for a lawsuit wanting to be paid 1 million dollars in damages after she was arrested and “subjected to overly harsh treatment.” Now I know that anyone reading this is going to be thinking, I’ve watched Maury, I know what those American girls are like, having sex, dealing dope, beating each other up. Well you are wrong.
So this girl, she gets arrested for… wait for it… wait for it…. writing “I love my friends Abby and Faith” on her school desk. Basically, this girl turns up at school, doesn’t seem to be doing anything highly illegal or distructive, although I think we can all remember just how little teachers hated it when we used to write on our desks in school, and she gets dragged away in handcuffs.
Best part? It was written with an erasable marker pen. So it would only have taken a couple of minutes to clear it out of the desk, instead they decide to arrest the girl and now run the risk of paying her damages of more than £600000.
Oh, how I love America.