Now, I’d have thought it’s quite obvious that I’m not the kind of person who would celebrate Valentine’s Day. So in honour of all the like minded people out there, which probably will be made up of mainly single people, broken hearted people and 40 year old virgins, I’m going to do a countdown to the big day itself.
In commiserations of the day itself being only five sleeps away, let’s get this party started.
Five gifts to be suspicious off
1. Your girlfriend/wife gets you tickets to go see your favourite football club despite ALWAYS complaining about how you never spend time with her and instead you’re glued to Sky Sports. The milkman’s coming around mate, and it ain’t for a brew.
2. Flowers from Tesco’s garage. Yes, he did get it on the way home from work after he forgot that it’s the one day a year where if he comes home with something good, he won’t have to beg for sex.
3. You notice a big purchase on the credit card from a jewellery store. You get flowers and chocolates. And he doesn’t ask for sex. You do the maths.
4. Sexy lingerie when you hate getting into bed with anything but one of his old t-shirts on. Obviously it looked good on his bit on the side, and they were on BOGOF!
5. A Chlamydia testing kit. What a way to say I love you.