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Sil’s quick guide to the World Cup


A quick walkthrough of the teams in this year’s World Cup, simply because I have nothing better to do.

Algeria: No chance, but they’re generally not too bad to watch.

Argentina: Have a chance, although in my opinion probably won’t win it. Nor do we want them to win it, never mind the Hand of God, if the Argies win it Maradona’s threatened to show us the nuts and spanner of God.

Australia: Lol.

Brazil: Always a contender. Always a bunch of cheating bastards who for some reason seem to get away with murder with the referees. May win it, but probably won’t deserve it.

Cameroon: I’d love for them to do well, sadly they probably won’t do much.

Chile: People won’t expect much from them as they generally don’t know much about them, they may surprise you though.

Ivory Coast: Their star (wanker) Didier Drogba may be returning despite having a broken arm. Which pretty much says all about how good they are without him doesn’t it.

Denmark: Don’t make me laugh. Although, they’ve surprised us before, of course, that’s like nearly two decades ago.

England: Sorry people, but won’t happen. No, really. It’s not going to happen. If it does I’ll eat my hat. One of you will have to buy me a hat first though.

France: They’re shit. They’re manager is doing his best to ensure they remain shit, and to be honest I have a bigger chance of winning it taking on all the top teams, on my own.

Germany: Hell. No.

Ghana: Nah.

Greece: Bless them, but no.

Honduras: It’d be brilliant if they did, but sadly just because you’re in the World Cup it doesn’t mean you have a chance at winning it.

Italy: Usually do well in the World Cup. Shame their a bunch of facist, corrupt bastards. Come on, you know you’re all thinking it.

Japan: Not even if the other teams defended as badly as the yanks defended Pearl Harbour. (Heel heat)

North Korea: No.

South Korea: Nope. Although will probably do better than their Northern “friends”.

Mexico: Well I’m cheering for them, although not that hopeful. They’re the underdogs though!

The Netherlands: Haha. Hahaha. Yeah, right.

New Zealand: I believe one website, may have been Betfair, is giving you a 1000/1 on the Kiwis to win. I’d say it’s worth putting a quid on it, although you’d probably need a nuclear disaster affecting everyone but their team for the bet to go through.

Nigeria: Could put up some tough matches, but it won’t help them much further than the first group play if they get through.

Paraguay: Make an educated guess at how Uruguay will do, then imagine half of that and you’ll have Paraguay.

Portugal: Well, they do have Ronaldo. However, that won’t be enough and they’ll be left disappointed again. Of course a few winks here and there could lighten the whole cup up.

Serbia, Slovakia and Slovenia: No, no and no. Or maybe njet.

South Africa: There is no such thing as poetic justice.

Spain: Seems the favourites, however, it remains to be seen if they can live up to the high expectations.

Switzerland: Neutral countries rarely win anything. Except for “lost” Nazi gold.

Uruguay: They’ll do OK, no better, no worse. Along with France, Mexico and South Africa they probably make up the toughest and least predictable group.

USA: They call it “soccer”, if they ever win the World Cup I think football as a sport may as well be retired.

So basically… We may end up with no winners! COME ON MEXICO!!

Sil, x