The one thing that has always fascinated me when it comes to relationships is just how little it takes for people to throw it all away. Now anyone who has read my blogs for any period of time knows my views on monogamy and how unrealistic I find the concept in a lot of cases. However, and this is a rather big however, I have not, do not and never will cheat. There have been occasions in the past where I have been sexually involved with someone who has been in a relationship, and I freely admit that this may make me seem slightly hypocritical, however I am not responsible for the actions of others, nor do I put it upon myself to be someone else’s moral compass. Is it something I would do again should I ever find myself single again? No, probably not, I’m too old for any drama that may come from it. Do I think I was in the wrong for the occasions when I did do it? No. When it comes down to it, as a single person you’re only responsible for yourself, the person in the relationship is the one who is doing something wrong. The only reason why single people get treated with such distain when they have a sexual relationship with someone who is in a relationship is because the wronged party find it much easier to get angry at someone they don’t have a direct relationship with than someone they love. It gives you somewhere to place your anger whilst still justifying continuing a relationship with a man/woman that you do not trust and who has so little respect for you they would sleep with someone else.
Whilst David James had a pop at Capello in a rather understated way Friday night, the unhappy “former” captain John Terry did not take a leaf out of the same book when giving a press conference yesterday. Firstly, Terry should not have been doing the press conference, Steven “kisses the badge on his chest before handing in his transfer request” Gerrard should have had the honour. Of course as per usual the Liverpool and supposed England Captain displayed his lack of backbone by not insisting on doing the press conference. Instead we got the man, the legend, the adulterous scum bag that is John “Cries when missing a penalty” Terry.
Now I think Terry said a lot of sensible things in his press conference, he admitted England were not good enough and that there were problems. Sadly his words of wisdom were overshadowed by the blatant attempt at re-enacting the Mutiny on the Bounty, with Terry casting himself as Fletcher Christian. Sadly for him the other sailors decided to jump ship and not join Terry in the revolt he was promising for the team meeting that was scheduled for last night.
Terry is obviously still angry that he lost his captaincy after he slipped over and his cock happened to land in Wayne Bridge’s ex-partner, and it’s simply another thing added to the sinking ship that is England. Of course if rumours are to believed, the worst is yet to come as it has been suggested that John Terry has also impregnated a minor and that this is supposed to break the news in the next few days… Normally I’m not one for buying into rumours, but when it comes to John Terry, nothing would surprise me.
“Chelsea wherever you may be, don’t leave your wife with John Terry… ”
What I’d give to be a fly on the wall for the England match against Slovenia on Wednesday.
1. Vanity. I like men who look after themselves, I love how men smell, I love it when their hair is soft and I want to run my fingers through it at any given opportunity. I do NOT love it when you spend more time in front of a mirror than I do, or your muscles are bigger than your brains. Flexing your arms and blowing kisses at the mirror? Guess it’s just you and your hand tonight, mate.
2. No confidence. Now I have been known to be attracted to arrogant men in the past. Christ knows I’ve made some mistakes when it comes to that, but truth be told, I LOVE a confident man. I love a bloke who knows that I’ll be looking at him when he walks through the room, and I love a man who knows I want him. I do not like a bloke who cannot bring himself to look me in the eyes because he’s too busy hiding in his shell because “nobody likes him”. Also fake arrogance to cover up the lack of confidence, not sexy.
3. Jealousy. I should think that everyone likes their other halves to be a bit jealous, after all insecurity often deems us to believe that partners who never get jealous just don’t care at all (guilty of being accused of that. Several times). However there’s jealousy, and then there’s we’re never leaving the house because if another man as much as looks at you I will have to kill him. Seriously mate, if I’m going home with you, be happy about that, if you don’t trust me, you don’t deserve me. It is that simple.
4. Unable to control your stare. Now I’m quite… how to put this delicately… oh fuck it, I have big tits. I walk down the street, blokes stare at my tits, that’s life. However if we’re out on a date and you spend the whole night staring at my tits rather than getting to know me, don’t expect a second date, and do not expect a blowjob as a thanks for the lovely night. I’d rather go home to my sex toys who I know love me for me, rather than the size of my chest. I’m not saying you can’t look at my tits, I’m just saying, I’ve got other body parts too, ones that you’ll never get to see or touch.
5. Dutch courage, gone mad. Now I don’t mind if you need to have a drink before you get the courage to go up to a girl, there’s nothing wrong with it. However it is incredibly unattractive to be sat chatting with your friends and some bloke pissed out of his had comes over and starts drooling whilst telling you he thinks you’re hot and then tries to snog you. Sorry mate, I aint going to be the girl whose name you can’t remember in the morning. I’m out of your league, and quite frankly I doubt it you could even get your sad excuse of a cock semi hard.
6. Sexism. Now I believe in looking after my man (or woman), I’ll cook for you and I’ll give you head when you’ve had a hard day at work, but you do NOT treat me like I’m worth less than you. I am (at least) just as smart as you and I am capable of anything you can and more (multiple orgasms springs to mind). Tell me to shut up, assume all I care about is that I look pretty for you or make demeaning comments about me in front of your mates and I promise you, you’ll be out of the picture quicker than a hooker robs a John who won’t pay.
7. You can’t make me come, or refuse to be told how to. I promise you that I will make you come hard and then beg for more, but I also promise that if you don’t make me moan, you’ll be spending months trying to find someone who can make you feel how I did. Some blokes need help when it comes to making a girl orgasm, that’s fair enough, I am more than willing to tell you just how to leave me shaking from pleasure if you can’t figure it out for yourself. What I am not willing to do is lay on my back whilst you hump me like a limp dog. Sorry mate, but if you can’t and won’t make me scream, don’t let the door hit your naked ass as I throw you out.
8. Hitting on every girl in the club. Oh please, like I am going to have any wannabe WAG’s sloppy seconds.
9. Showing everyone who I belong to. I don’t mind holding your hand, I may even give you a kiss if you behave, but I am not a big fan of public affection. Don’t go grabbing my ass and showing your tongue down my throat every fucking time you think another bloke is checking me out. Feel me up because you fancy me, not because you’re marking your territory like a rampant puppy.
10. Cheating. Don’t cheat on me. It’s like being in an antique shop, you can look but you can’t touch, and if you break anything, I will make you pay. Now I don’t really do relationships and commitment to one person, however if you expect me to play nice and not go off with someone else, I’d expect the same from you, because I promise you, if I end up with Chlamydia because you shagged some slag, if the next week I’m hitting on you… it’s only because I’m very vengeful and have something mean in mind.
Other turn offs include looking at other girls, but not admitting to it if you get caught (I don’t care if you look mate, but grow a pair eh, or at least let me have a look as well), never putting me first (I promise besides from football, I’ll prioritise you to a degree), trying to control me or thinking that no means yes. When I say something, you can count on it being exactly what I’m thinking, so don’t go generalising me and claim that women always say the opposite of what they mean. Oh, and never assume I’m like all other women, because I promise you, you’ve never met anyone quite like me.