Oh Terry, poor poor John Terry. Not only has his attempt of mutiny bore no fruits, but his manager has basically called him a slimy dickhead (all about reading between the lines), and he has now made a public apology in the shape of an interview with the Daily Mail. Now I could be serious about this, I could analyse, write articulately about the last few days and dissect just what is happening within the England camp, but lets face it there are thousands of serious people out there, and it’d be kind of boring if we were all trying to be the next Patrick Barclay or Martin Samuel, in my case it would also be kind of impossible anatomically.
John Terry should have been dropped from the squad, his antics at Chelsea has shown what a tosser he is. He’s been given free reigns at the club that pays his wages and the heads of anyone who doesn’t bow down to King Terry has been rolling freely, yet Capello thought he could control him. It’s like looking after your friend’s spoilt child for the day and assuming that the dummy won’t be spat out the moment you say “no”, and lets face it, Johnny boy does nothing quite as well as spitting that dummy out.
Wayne Bridge should be in the squad, John Terry should be strung up by his balls and have rotten fruit thrown at his head, the one he doesn’t seem to use that is. I’m not the crusader of monogamy, lets be honest, if it wasn’t for the whole religion bit of it I’d be quite happy living in some kind of crazy Mormon camp, however there has to be limits and John Terry crossed the border into stupid land. So here’s a crazy idea Capello, why not just send Terry home? It may be a belated fuck you to the man Chelsea fans seem to believe is the “only England captain”, but perhaps you could save some face before England go tumbling out tomorrow. Not that I’m saying they can’t go through… But in case they don’t, it may be worth trying to save yourself from complete humiliation. Besides, I’m sure JT wants to get back to London and Stamford Bridge where he could commit genocide and still be seen as the second coming of Christ.
Whilst David James had a pop at Capello in a rather understated way Friday night, the unhappy “former” captain John Terry did not take a leaf out of the same book when giving a press conference yesterday. Firstly, Terry should not have been doing the press conference, Steven “kisses the badge on his chest before handing in his transfer request” Gerrard should have had the honour. Of course as per usual the Liverpool and supposed England Captain displayed his lack of backbone by not insisting on doing the press conference. Instead we got the man, the legend, the adulterous scum bag that is John “Cries when missing a penalty” Terry.
Now I think Terry said a lot of sensible things in his press conference, he admitted England were not good enough and that there were problems. Sadly his words of wisdom were overshadowed by the blatant attempt at re-enacting the Mutiny on the Bounty, with Terry casting himself as Fletcher Christian. Sadly for him the other sailors decided to jump ship and not join Terry in the revolt he was promising for the team meeting that was scheduled for last night.
Terry is obviously still angry that he lost his captaincy after he slipped over and his cock happened to land in Wayne Bridge’s ex-partner, and it’s simply another thing added to the sinking ship that is England. Of course if rumours are to believed, the worst is yet to come as it has been suggested that John Terry has also impregnated a minor and that this is supposed to break the news in the next few days… Normally I’m not one for buying into rumours, but when it comes to John Terry, nothing would surprise me.
“Chelsea wherever you may be, don’t leave your wife with John Terry… ”
What I’d give to be a fly on the wall for the England match against Slovenia on Wednesday.
Which is probably what Wayne Rooney would have said had he not loved his national side with a passion that the team and its fans does NOT deserve.
Instead he said “Nice to see your own fans booing you. That’s what loyal support is.” In those few words Rooney summed up one reason as to why I never could and never would get behind England. England’s performance was abysmal, it was probably worse than that. There was no passion in that team, there was no want or desire to win. The manager took off Aaron Lennon, the one player who seemed to be desperate for his team to do well, to replace him with the midget that is Shaun Wright-Phillips, who will only ever be a world class player in the eyes of his somewhat biased adopted father. Which leads me to believe that Capello, despite the ignorance of England fans, was never the saviour that they expected him to be.
Wayne Rooney will probably be blamed in part for England’s exit from the World Cup, and the exit will come, that I’d be willing to bet a lot of money on. West Ham’s Rob Green will be haunted by the mistake he made in the first match, perhaps more so by his own conscience than that of the England fans, but Rooney will be the man with most of the blame because he didn’t score enough goals, because he wasn’t passionate enough. Why? Because from the beginning of England’s warm up matches all that has been spoken of is the fact that Rooney’s temper is going to cost England the World Cup. He has been told to tone it down, but what the ignorant fools that watch, fantasy manage and boo England do not realise is that Rooney isn’t some miserable twat whose temper gets him the odd yellow card, and perhaps too many red cards earlier on in his career. Rooney has something that England fans fail to recognize because they haven’t seen it this millenium. It’s called passion you bunch of overbearing, self-centered, pathetic excuses of football fans.
It’s what Psycho and Gazza had, but that no one questioned back then. What changed? 1998. Beckham got sent off, and got all the blame for a terrible performance. That’s when I lost my respect for England, and its fans. That’s when you “fans” lost the right to call yourself supporters, and it’s all been downhill since then.
Burning dummies of Beckham, then cheering like there was no Tomorrow when he scored THAT free kick against Greece. That sums up England fans. Hypocrites. There are some grounds in England where you have come to expect hearing fans whose teams are in the top ten or even top five of the Premiership booing their players and team, and it seems those same people follow England, boo England. Which at least makes them consistent hypocrites.
You don’t boo your team, you don’t sneer at your players. You’re not going to encourage them to play better by booing them, and even if you may be feeling a bit pissed off that you’re watching a team that clearly does not give a fuck, guess what, that’s England, YOU decided to support them, so perhaps you should consider doing just that.
I hate England, I hate their fans. I hate John Terry, I despise Ashley Cole, I feel violent tendencies towards Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard. I’m not willing to change my opinion of those vile creations of humanity just to support England, I’d rather be ravaged by hungry lions at London Zoo. I’m just glad I figured all of this out a long time ago, because I really would have hated ending up looking like a dick head like the rest of you do. The fans, the tabloids, you’re all pathetic. The team itself is pathetically overrated and lacking in all aspects.
So really, feel free, and stick your fucking England up your arse.
A quick walkthrough of the teams in this year’s World Cup, simply because I have nothing better to do.
Algeria: No chance, but they’re generally not too bad to watch.
Argentina: Have a chance, although in my opinion probably won’t win it. Nor do we want them to win it, never mind the Hand of God, if the Argies win it Maradona’s threatened to show us the nuts and spanner of God.
Brazil: Always a contender. Always a bunch of cheating bastards who for some reason seem to get away with murder with the referees. May win it, but probably won’t deserve it.
Cameroon: I’d love for them to do well, sadly they probably won’t do much.
Chile: People won’t expect much from them as they generally don’t know much about them, they may surprise you though.
Ivory Coast: Their star (wanker) Didier Drogba may be returning despite having a broken arm. Which pretty much says all about how good they are without him doesn’t it.
Denmark: Don’t make me laugh. Although, they’ve surprised us before, of course, that’s like nearly two decades ago.
England: Sorry people, but won’t happen. No, really. It’s not going to happen. If it does I’ll eat my hat. One of you will have to buy me a hat first though.
France: They’re shit. They’re manager is doing his best to ensure they remain shit, and to be honest I have a bigger chance of winning it taking on all the top teams, on my own.
Germany: Hell. No.
Greece: Bless them, but no.
Honduras: It’d be brilliant if they did, but sadly just because you’re in the World Cup it doesn’t mean you have a chance at winning it.
Italy: Usually do well in the World Cup. Shame their a bunch of facist, corrupt bastards. Come on, you know you’re all thinking it.
Japan: Not even if the other teams defended as badly as the yanks defended Pearl Harbour. (Heel heat)
North Korea: No.
South Korea: Nope. Although will probably do better than their Northern “friends”.
Mexico: Well I’m cheering for them, although not that hopeful. They’re the underdogs though!
The Netherlands: Haha. Hahaha. Yeah, right.
New Zealand: I believe one website, may have been Betfair, is giving you a 1000/1 on the Kiwis to win. I’d say it’s worth putting a quid on it, although you’d probably need a nuclear disaster affecting everyone but their team for the bet to go through.
Nigeria: Could put up some tough matches, but it won’t help them much further than the first group play if they get through.
Paraguay: Make an educated guess at how Uruguay will do, then imagine half of that and you’ll have Paraguay.
Portugal: Well, they do have Ronaldo. However, that won’t be enough and they’ll be left disappointed again. Of course a few winks here and there could lighten the whole cup up.
Serbia, Slovakia and Slovenia: No, no and no. Or maybe njet.
South Africa: There is no such thing as poetic justice.
Spain: Seems the favourites, however, it remains to be seen if they can live up to the high expectations.
Switzerland: Neutral countries rarely win anything. Except for “lost” Nazi gold.
Uruguay: They’ll do OK, no better, no worse. Along with France, Mexico and South Africa they probably make up the toughest and least predictable group.
USA: They call it “soccer”, if they ever win the World Cup I think football as a sport may as well be retired.
So basically… We may end up with no winners! COME ON MEXICO!!